Excited to float down a river AND excited that my life vest is the same hue as my sweater!
What are the things you’ve always wanted to do, but haven’t done yet?
I would say this list has been long for me in the past. There were so many things I wanted to do, but felt incapable of doing so. All my life I’ve felt part of my identity was being outdoors. At the same time, I never felt welcomed in outdoor communities. I felt really out of place in the spaces I loved. For a while I lived in this area of disconnect, wanting to be a part of something and also feeling not good enough for it.
As a currently recovering perfectionist, I expected to be good at things right away. Trying new hobbies put me out of my comfort zone and mixed with people who weren’t super welcoming or just wanted to spout off their knowledge, I gave in to the assumption that I wasn’t made for that world. A world that in some ways also really felt like home. It was such an odd space to be in. I got to the point of being over the “not good enough” mindset and ended up taking a conservation media job in Alaska to prove to myself just exactly what I was capable of doing!
Now, after being in Alaska for over a year, I’ve checked off a lot of my list - and more that I wouldn’t even known to put on my list in the first place.
I went on a river trip, sea kayaked, backpacked, ventured off on solo trips, hiked on glaciers, kayaked down another river, got more miles in cross country skiing. I’ve gone birding, identified plants and berries I didn’t know existed a year ago, spotted whales, bears, porcupines, dall sheep, lynx, wolverine, and moose. Actually, I’ve encountered two bears much closer than I would ever like to while camping alone. I climbed up sea cliffs, standing at the top as puffins, murres, and kittiwakes swirled around me, and then somehow convinced myself to rappel back down despite my shaky knees. Like, I was in a seabird colony at the top of that cliff! I’ve donned a mustang suit and had to practice putting on a survival suit (I’m glad none of you saw it, but you probably would have enjoyed it). I don’t always remember I’ve done all this, but when I pause to think I get really thrilled.
I know to some people these experiences are just normal. Yet, most people I have connected with in the last year want you to get excited. They don’t take for granted their version of normal and its magic. They don’t often talk about these experiences like they’re nonchalant. They want to share their experiences because they’re grateful for them. And I think that was one of my biggest, deep down goals: connecting with like-minded folk.
My dad is this way with climbing. He loves taking his friends out when they ask and letting them use his gear. He tells me stories of the friends who introduced him to climbing back before I was even around. Those stories got me excited to meet similar people in my life. And to be one of those people myself.
So, now that you’ve listed the things you really want to do… What’s holding you back?
For me it was fear and not feeling like I had the right to take up any space. The biggest encouragement was a friend back in Arizona telling me I had a spot in any area I felt passionate. She said the outdoors is a place for everyone. We all deserve to feel at home in these communities as we do when we’re alone in nature. So, let me be that friend for you. Whatever is holding you back, just know you have the right to take up space. Maybe it will take time to find your people and really carve out the right spot for you (I actually think this is a continual effort, honing in on your life), but you are totally capable of doing just that.