The Magic of Being Alone: How to Enjoy Doing Stuff by Yourself

Have you ever gotten the notion to do something new and fun, like going to see a band you like, exploring a different trail, or getting lunch at a new spot in town and really want someone to share the experience with? You ask a couple people to come, but for whatever various reasons they can’t make it. You could wait for them to have the time to come, but really there are moments that if you waited for someone else to be ready to do something with you, you’d never be able to do it! And how lame is that?! Well, let me tell you from personal experience… To think that you would miss out on doing something fun just because you don’t have any company to join you is lame. Maybe you have tons of friends with open schedules who are always up to go see live music. Congrats. I don’t. So you can look at these cute photos I took of Camellia and then go out with one of your friends. For anyone else who can relate to my experiences keep reading for a little pep talk and some tips to help you get over the idea that you need company to enjoy an experience!

• Embrace the feeling of being alone:

  I think it’s important to accept that you are currently doing something alone and be okay with it. You probably won’t love the feeling, but you can at least banish the negative connotations by just embracing the experience. Stop telling yourself you’re lame for not being with friends or that you’re isolated. Instead, try to notice the positives about being by yourself in that moment. I can remember times where I thought if I wasn’t with people often, then I must be a curmudgeonly hermit who isolated herself from people because she didn’t like anyone and was incapable of getting along with others. When I shifted the way I saw being alone, I realized this was someone else’s voice left over in my head. I had taken on someone else’s insecurities as my own and here they were affecting my life (more on this later)! Instead, I could see being alone as an opportunity to do what I chose to do. I didn’t have to entertain anyone else’s interest. I was solely focused on me and that mindset was enough to let me embrace the feeling of being alone. So, kick the negative words out of your head and connect to what is beautiful about not being with friends and let yourself embrace the feeling!

• Start with something less intimidating to you:

  Shows are usually crowded, which I find intimidating. However, I’ve been hiking on my own for so long now that I’m 100% comfortable being alone on a trail. In order to build up my confidence to do other things alone, I focused on being by myself in places I already felt comfortable. Those moments sort of acted as a reminder that I would be fine by myself anywhere. Maybe you feel less intimidated by going to a coffee shop and reading a book or going to the movie theaters where you don’t have to talk to someone. Or maybe you do feel more confident when you have the opportunity to talk to someone, so you want to seek out places that are busier. The point is to create an experience where you will feel empowered. Which is another reason I stuck to hiking at first. Being outdoors really clears my mind and allows me to see that I can do whatever I want. It’s a huge confidence booster for me. I always feel encouraged to go after whatever I choose to go after when I get to be out in nature (I’ve written a little bit about this before, if you’re curious). So, find an opportunity that will help you feel empowered and let yourself believe you can do anything.

• Force yourself to do it:

  At a certain point you just have to force yourself to go out and do what you want to do, ALL BY YOURSELF, even if it sounds really terrifying! Afterwards, you’re probably going to realize it’s not even that scary and your confidence will have gone up that much more. I can think of a few times I skipped out on certain events because going alone seemed so uncomfortable. I knew I would be expected to talk to people and I was at a point where I just felt so awkward trying to connect with others. When I finally told myself I had to go I realized I had missed out on quite a bit and for no real reason. My fears were rather unfounded. Sure, there were moments I felt uncomfortable, but I can bet other people at the even felt the same way. You’re probably always going to have a little voice in your head telling you that you’re being weird. But guess what? I was reminded that I could actually connect to people, whether I think I’m awkward or not. Shocker. Getting these positive reminders about yourself and making realizations is one of the reasons going out alone is beneficial! Being by yourself you don’t have to hear anyone else’s opinion or thoughts about you. Yes, you do have to hear your own, but this is a great opportunity to practice ignoring that negative voice inside your head and reinforcing the positive voice instead. When you’re by yourself you get to focus on you, what you like about yourself, and what your interests are. Just force yourself to do it and get it over with! It gets easier with each time too.

If you’ve been debating on whether you want to go do something or not just because no one is interested in going, then just go! Remember to embrace the feeling of being alone and find the positive about not being with friends. Start out with something less intimidating to you to help build your confidence and remind yourself that you are totally okay going out by yourself. Then, just force yourself to go to the event or place alone that is scariest to you. You’re going to get the chance to reconnect with yourself and your interests and start to learn a little more about yourself that you might have been overlooking before. Do you have any other tips you’ve used when going out alone? Let me know! 

The World Needs You

Once in film school, during an end of the semester review, I had two instructors tell me I should take vocal lessons to deepen my voice because as it was now I did not command respect. There had been a situation on set in class where I was in charge of tracking supplies as crew members came to get them like they always did. However, this time no one came to check out equipment no matter how many times I made the announcement. At some point while I was struggling to do my job a man much older than myself apparently felt I had conducted myself so poorly that he threw my belongings on the ground and screamed in my face. It wasn’t the first or last time my authority was challenged on a set either, but what was so upsetting was that my instructors defended that behavior and actually suggested I learn to have a more masculine voice to avoid people treating me in such ways.

As a woman it’s pretty upsetting to be told to fit into a man’s world, but this isn’t just a woman’s issue. So many of us are often told to change something about ourselves to be accepted into “normal” society. Even by well-meaning people! I’m here to tell you, though, you don’t have to change because you are exactly what the world needs.

We all have unique qualities that are important to the world. Basically, everyone needs to be here being their individual self to keep this little planet well rounded with lots of special talent, skills, and thoughts! I’m sure you can agree with me that it’s not super fun to hang out with people just like you. I enjoy having friends who differ from me and offer perspectives or a presence I don’t. Being surrounded by different personalities keeps us more open minded and able to see parts of the world we might not be able to otherwise. So, why should we all act the same way? If you feel like someone is telling you to be different or fit into the norm and you’re getting frustrated, let’s just stop for a moment. First, push that negativity out of your head! It may be coming from a well-meaning place, but it’s really not that helpful and honestly it’s a little personality crushing. Consider the situation from your own viewpoint and decide whether or not if you’re happy with your outcome. Let me give you an example. While my teachers were giving me this review, I was so upset I didn’t even want to give the situation more thought. I knew they were wrong and I couldn’t focus on it anymore. However, when I paused to think about how that day on set went I knew I wasn’t happy with how things carried out.  If you are happy with your outcome, then who cares what the naysayers say? I’ve had people tell me I’m being too quiet and should get more involved when I am perfectly happy silently observing my surroundings. I usher those unsolicited comments out of my mind and continue taking in my setting and that’s exactly what you should do if you’re at peace with your result.

If you are unhappy with your outcome though, then what’s next? Instead of being annoyed by feedback and running away, figure out what it is you want to do to get a different outcome next time. For me I had to realize a better outcome wouldn’t involve a change in anyone else’s behavior. I mean that would be nice, but really I knew a better outcome would be me feeling empowered and sure of myself despite other’s actions. I can remember the doubt that crept into my head when this man screamed in my face and my peers and instructors defended his actions. I thought maybe I had deserved this and I just wouldn’t be a good fit in my dream industry. That is such a lame feeling! When I realized I wanted to feel empowered instead of disrespected, unimportant, or unsuccessful at my dreams, then I could see that a better result would come from standing up for myself. Voicing my opinion and not backing down when people were being so obviously belittling would give me more of a sense of strength and control. The response would probably be the same, but this mindset would allow me to remain sure of myself and remember what I wanted for my life.

The shift of concluding I didn’t need to deepen my voice and change something about myself, but rather add more tools to my belt and in fact be more me and share more of me was such a relief. For so long, I’ve felt the outside, human world telling me to change, as if I wasn’t good enough on my own, but that simply isn’t true. We are valuable just as we are! This also really opened up my world a lot more. After this class, I decided I wasn’t going to work with men in the industry. I avoided projects that were male dominated and backed out of male spaces. It was nice to dodge negative experiences, but I was missing out on the chance to bring my perspective to other people! Now, however I can find myself in a meeting full of men and see it as an opportunity to use my voice and speak up for others or myself when I see something as wrong.

My hope would be that no one ever disrespects you or makes you feel less than as you are now. But I know our lives aren’t ideal. If someone ever does treat you this way, then you can always come here for a little pep talk. You can even come to me and we can remind you of all the things that make you lovely and important to this world. We all need you and I don’t want anyone to keep your wonder from us!

Share More, Consume Less

Share more, consume less is a motto that can be implemented in many parts of our lives, in ways we might not really consider at first. Let's knock out the biggest and probably scariest way right now!

If you just take a glance at the slideshow or photos below you are probably thinking, "How can one person be so beautiful/precious/adorable/glow-y?" To which I would say, "You don't even know the half of it!!!" Sometimes I hear people say their friends are sunshine personified and I don't know what they mean. Are they friendly? Is their smile blinding? Do they have a really high fever that maybe needs medical attention?

After getting to know Saleena I understood the saying a little more. Although, I prefer to describe her as a sunbeam straight to your face (you cannot ignore the presence of Saleena and I wouldn't want to). I wish I was capable of pinpointing exactly what it is about Saleena the Sunbeam that makes her so, but I never could figure it out. Until, I saw the little slogan stuck to every stranded, yellow Ofo bike in Tempe, "Share More, Consume Less". The Ofo bike slogan is talking about commercialism and transportation, but I don't think it's magic has to just stop there.

Saleena is constantly sharing herself, who she really is, with everyone around her. This was what drew me to her. She doesn’t make it hard to get to know her or to be able to relate to her; she puts it all out there. There’s no hiding her personality or trying to be anything other than herself. You can take the time to get to know more about her life or her thoughts, but you don’t have to try and dig up her personality. Which, I think is something that a lot of us don’t do. We either hide to protect ourselves or try to deflect in a way so we can feel cooler and more important around others.

But get this: when we try to appear cooler or get the approval of other people, we're actually consuming! We want to take in and consume the acceptance of others; we need their attention. I find myself doing this at times and it always feels kind of off.  Have you ever noticed yourself doing this?  Doesn’t it feel weird?! I can’t really enjoy the company I’m in when I’m so focused and concerned about how I’m presenting myself.  I think it’s rather taxing when we set out to consume attention or approval from others because let’s be truthful, once you get approval, it’s not enough. You have to keep going.

If instead we are being honest, allowing our true selves to show, then we shift to sharing! Which in turn opens up those around us to share who they really are too. Sure, there will probably be someone thinking, “Wow, this person is too much, what a dork.” But, I’m going to go ahead and guess they are a consumer. If they were a sharer they would either A) just be stoked that someone else was out here being open and honest too or B) think, “Cool, I know who that person is and they’re not really my cup of tea” and move on their way!  Can you imagine what life would be like if we were all sharers? It’s sounds pretty nice to me! This kind of sharing ourselves takes vulnerability though, which can be a little intimidating at first, so if you’re needing a bit of encouragement or some small steps to take, here are a few suggestions:

• Be Present! First things first, shake off the consumerism. When you focus on the present moment you can take note of what you do out of seeking acceptance. When you start to notice the little actions you take to gain other’s approval, then you can begin to put a stop to them! They’ve probably become habits, so you’ll need to be mindful, but once you start to undo these behaviors you’ll be a little more open to sharing.
• Share Your Feelings! And I mean all of them, not just the happy ones. There is a lot of talk about negativity and cutting out those negative, toxic friends, but let’s not confuse darker emotions for pessimism. Negativity is when someone is constantly tearing something down, telling you other people, ideas, or hobbies are lame and dumb. Being sad, angry, or lonely is not negativity! Those are normal human emotions, which can even be shared in positive ways. Make a joke about being irritated or just let out a big sigh and exclaim your irritation. Either way, you’re letting yourself be more vulnerable and sharing yourself with others. If people are allowing themselves to be vulnerable back, then they are probably going to be able to relate with your feelings and... Ta-da, you know have both shared a little bit!
• Ask TRUE questions! Yes, sharing is not just about you, you, you. Sometimes sharing yourself means sharing your ability to listen! This is a big one for me and I'm still figuring out how to tackle it. During conversations we often like to respond with our own experience or anecdote, but sometimes it’s nice to stay focused on the other person. Ask them questions to further learn more about their story instead of rushing into your own points. There's a couple people in my life who will text me a link to an article or event that they think I would enjoy after a conversation we have and even that makes me feel so heard. Showcase the side of you that is a great listener (I'm looking at you, Ali)! 

So, let’s all take a page from Saleena’s book and embrace the idea of “Share More, Consume Less” in a new way.  How will you start to share more in your life?

xx Ali

A Fluttering of Snow

“A snowball in the face is surely the perfect beginning to a lasting friendship.” - Markus Zusak

There’s something about snowflakes fluttering down all around that makes the whole world seem like magic. The cold flurry covers surroundings in a blanket of fresh, white powder, refreshing every inch of life. It really made the perfect compliment to Kyra and Garret and the magic between them. Not only does a snowball to the face make the perfect beginning to a friendship, but apparently to a great photoshoot too! I hope you enjoy their photos as much as I do... They really are so sweet together and I love that their personalities came through in their pictures!

Autumnal Equinox

A Wallpaper Freebie - Arizona Photography

Happy first day of fall, everyone! Or at least to those of us in the Northern Hemisphere. With Autumn officially here nights continue to get longer as days shorten and leaves begin to turn colors. Before moving to Northern Arizona I didn't really experience the changing colors of the trees. Now that I'm up in Flagstaff I love taking in the sight of varying shades of green, yellow, red, and gold, especially up at Hart Prairie! In honor of the turn of the season I'm sharing a couple different shots of the gorgeous Hart Prairie from last fall for you to download and use as a wallpaper on your phone or laptop! Just click the photos to open in a new tab, then right click, and save. Enjoy!

Phone Wallpaper:

Desktop Wallpaper: