Have you ever gotten the notion to do something new and fun, like going to see a band you like, exploring a different trail, or getting lunch at a new spot in town and really want someone to share the experience with? You ask a couple people to come, but for whatever various reasons they can’t make it. You could wait for them to have the time to come, but really there are moments that if you waited for someone else to be ready to do something with you, you’d never be able to do it! And how lame is that?! Well, let me tell you from personal experience… To think that you would miss out on doing something fun just because you don’t have any company to join you is lame. Maybe you have tons of friends with open schedules who are always up to go see live music. Congrats. I don’t. So you can look at these cute photos I took of Camellia and then go out with one of your friends. For anyone else who can relate to my experiences keep reading for a little pep talk and some tips to help you get over the idea that you need company to enjoy an experience!
Embrace the feeling of being alone:
I think it’s important to accept that you are currently doing something alone and be okay with it. You probably won’t love the feeling, but you can at least banish the negative connotations by just embracing the experience. Stop telling yourself you’re lame for not being with friends or that you’re isolated. Instead, try to notice the positives about being by yourself in that moment. I can remember times where I thought if I wasn’t with people often, then I must be a curmudgeonly hermit who isolated herself from people because she didn’t like anyone and was incapable of getting along with others. When I shifted the way I saw being alone, I realized this was someone else’s voice left over in my head. I had taken on someone else’s insecurities as my own and here they were affecting my life (more on this later)! Instead, I could see being alone as an opportunity to do what I chose to do. I didn’t have to entertain anyone else’s interest. I was solely focused on me and that mindset was enough to let me embrace the feeling of being alone. So, kick the negative words out of your head and connect to what is beautiful about not being with friends and let yourself embrace the feeling!
Start with something less intimidating to you:
Shows are usually crowded, which I find intimidating. However, I’ve been hiking on my own for so long now that I’m 100% comfortable being alone on a trail. In order to build up my confidence to do other things alone, I focused on being by myself in places I already felt comfortable. Those moments sort of acted as a reminder that I would be fine by myself anywhere. Maybe you feel less intimidated by going to a coffee shop and reading a book or going to the movie theaters where you don’t have to talk to someone. Or maybe you do feel more confident when you have the opportunity to talk to someone, so you want to seek out places that are busier. The point is to create an experience where you will feel empowered. Which is another reason I stuck to hiking at first. Being outdoors really clears my mind and allows me to see that I can do whatever I want. It’s a huge confidence booster for me. I always feel encouraged to go after whatever I choose to go after when I get to be out in nature (I’ve written a little bit about this before, if you’re curious). So, find an opportunity that will help you feel empowered and let yourself believe you can do anything.
Force yourself to do it:
At a certain point you just have to force yourself to go out and do what you want to do, ALL BY YOURSELF, even if it sounds really terrifying! Afterwards, you’re probably going to realize it’s not even that scary and your confidence will have gone up that much more. I can think of a few times I skipped out on certain events because going alone seemed so uncomfortable. I knew I would be expected to talk to people and I was at a point where I just felt so awkward trying to connect with others. When I finally told myself I had to go I realized I had missed out on quite a bit and for no real reason. My fears were rather unfounded. Sure, there were moments I felt uncomfortable, but I can bet other people at the even felt the same way. You’re probably always going to have a little voice in your head telling you that you’re being weird. But guess what? I was reminded that I could actually connect to people, whether I think I’m awkward or not. Shocker. Getting these positive reminders about yourself and making realizations is one of the reasons going out alone is beneficial! Being by yourself you don’t have to hear anyone else’s opinion or thoughts about you. Yes, you do have to hear your own, but this is a great opportunity to practice ignoring that negative voice inside your head and reinforcing the positive voice instead. When you’re by yourself you get to focus on you, what you like about yourself, and what your interests are. Just force yourself to do it and get it over with! It gets easier with each time too.
If you’ve been debating on whether you want to go do something or not just because no one is interested in going, then just go! Remember to embrace the feeling of being alone and find the positive about not being with friends. Start out with something less intimidating to you to help build your confidence and remind yourself that you are totally okay going out by yourself. Then, just force yourself to go to the event or place alone that is scariest to you. You’re going to get the chance to reconnect with yourself and your interests and start to learn a little more about yourself that you might have been overlooking before. Do you have any other tips you’ve used when going out alone? Let me know!
